17th June 2018; immediate thoughts after taking the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale – revised (RAADS)

Source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com – feature photo by pixabay

17th June 2018

The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-revised (RAADS) my results

Just done the RAADS – can’t retake for 9.99 days as really liked words of certain questions, also had to rely on google explaining some words and meaning but got there. I now know the difference between empathy and sympathy written Sunday 19th August 2018; Looking at heaven living through hell

Simply put, empathy recognises someone else’s perspective, sympathy just the current drama. Also had to look into the word compassionate and answer honestly. I think I’ve learnt how to be compassionate but is not, my natural.

A question that really threw me was in relation to cuddles, I like a hug if I feel secure, they also make me feel safe given by the right person. I do not like it when it is just holding the person up, think it’s the pressure given in the cuddle, sure I was reading something linkable to this, the other month.

I couldn’t’ say that it wasn’t true because in a certain mood it seriously my space and I will go for the jugular if you impose on it. I do become frightened, anxious and lack serious control over emotions and bodily movements, don’t mind cuddles if wanted and by choice not forced.

Also when I was grieving my grandad, if I’m hearty crying I hate it don’t want to be touched, I’d do it in private, becoming physically and mentally drained. If their silent takes no energy at all, if I can internally hold them and ride out the storm, all is wee in the end, well so far.

Say something to me please because I’m beginning to give up on you, lyric from a song that influenced this next thought process. I never have enough time it appears, what truly is the priority, I’m guessing my clinical psychiatrist does not have the structure timed to dedicate to me I get that, her schedule is jam-packed so why don’t I use a skill that we both have in common. Writing.

I have been reading my clinical psychiatrists words from my medical records.  This has changed my focus. If I had access before I could have saved a lot of damage to my psychological health and not just my own, my children’s, partner and families.

Reading her words is the very reason why I’m writing my life story, why I am doing these Autistic tests, Why I am going to attempt a timeline then do what I do best, gather the information analyse and look at numerous perspectives, draw on a conclusion.

By doing this I hope to give my Clinical psychiatrist  some insight to allow her to be able to do her job, by being patient I will always get there, and as far as I’m aware from those that do stick, it is well worth the wait, let’s hope it’s true in this case

I had to find out what an “intimate relationship” was as there are so many dimensions and perspectives to the word intimate.  The article for this is Tuesday 3rd July 2018: When you put your trust in someone or something, in an intimate way

You feel sympathy when you feel sorry for someone, it is usually when something negative or bad has happened, that’s when you, sympathise with someone. It is a sense of sadness regarding the other’s unfortunate situation, eliciting unpleasant, uncomfortable feelings and an understanding of their struggle.

When you show empathy or empathise with someone or something you are relating to someone, in a way that you feel what they feel. The challenge is simulating it, a likeness within oneself whether you intentionally or naturally do it.

I hate the word pity and have always linked it with Sympathy as that’s the emotion showcased in the beholder of the emotions eyes.

Whenever my story is truly told I see pity in some, admiration and understanding in others. Just had a little fantasy thought I will share, sympathy could be linked to fiction, a drama; empathy could be linked to truth, looking for reality, not fantasy.

This is where I see a pattern, a chameleon that is me. I’ve spent so many years learning it in all walks of life to some degree, feeling rejected that I become the other or detach, differential bipolar type? Personality disorders? Autism? ADHD?

Whether you intentionally, taught or naturally do this is a different story but one thing I’m sure we can all agree…..

Humanity would be better off if we all took a little time, improving our own empathetic capabilities as it is a very usefully helpful, effectively practical skill.  Just be careful not to become to empathetic, losing yourself in the process

I really do walk in the shoes of those who wish, feel what they feel, think how they think, become the weakness to figure out the solution to strengthen, to fix, to learn, for deeper understanding, insight, and meaning.

Thus creating dynamics and dimension, becoming aware even when I don’t want to. I’m not saying this is what everyone should do, this is what I naturally do now that requires balancing.  Seems I go from one extreme to another, like a leaper, the misunderstood.