Words are manmade by humanity to help with understanding, interpreted differently by everyone to help gain more insight and understanding.
From the day I took my first able breath at 0006 hours, (a Libra in the third Decanate, which is the last sequential sign within the element) to my grand old age of 30 😝 I always have and always will be, a constant rebellion because I don’t fit sometimes, with what is deemed as the ‘norm’.
The reason I say grand old age is because, I once wrote the words contained in another article A letter I wrote a special General Practitioner in Spring 2018, to a special compassionate GP some time ago, in the world of the lost. When all hope had left and I became a vortex of every emotion, my light nearly snuffed.
This man gave me many dynamic perspectives and opened my eyes repeatedly when I had become stuck, somewhat trapped in a self-destructive internal prison.
He has been my hope in humanity, where the specialist or other professionals have otherwise been less successful. Sometimes what we think is helping maybe disabling but I would have been truly lost without the help of my action man and GP.
As both mine and my GP’s cries for help were unable to be answered by my mental health team, I began looking into stress. After the words written to my saviour, I had an epiphany in a sense, and yes both words are intentionally used and will be manipulated.
I have done so because they are the best fit to describe, even though it sounds overly eccentric. This gentleman GP has gone with, and against normal procedures and protocols, just looking at the individual.
Never intentionally to rigid or shy to admit someone’s skill may be more useful. He goes out of his way repeatedly, has never given up and never will as his eyes and words shine true, therefore I believe in him.
I have become attached because over the years, time no matter how small plus familiarity has allowed us to build a rapport, on a level different from the norm. (A diamond in the rough)
I was extremely stressed trying to fit, learning how to communicate with everyone else. It caused me to forget how to communicate to those that mattered most. By shutting them out I did protect, but I still damaged which I am busily repairing now.
This is extremely difficult when everything is the same but different. I then began remembering and cementing the fact that you can make it through anything, if, you have one person strong enough for both or all, (and I am) but the ball is always fully in your own court, just depends if you invite me in, or I invite or gatecrash yours. (working on that :-P)
We can all relate to stress but what happens when your stress becomes more intense. One way of relating would be a ‘grip’ stress, which can cause someone to slip into the realm of their inferior function. The inferior function (secondary) is a wee slimy sleeked bugger at times, with a sycophantic influence too your superior function (main), think this is linkable to personality typology which was insightful.
Sometimes I excel at some abilities whilst losing others, whereas at other times I’m balanced and able to achieve equilibrium, well my version anyway, unique to my individual. When I am balanced and if the word fits, my colours are bright and I have control over what I allow others to see. People are absorbed and infatuated when my colours have a positive impact.
When you begin turning them logical, analytical and inquisitive, you can physically feel and see some types of characters brains sending warning signals, at least that is how my peripheral vision sees it in some.
I can see them physically and mentally recoiling as they retreat to protect themselves, with their tail dangling between their legs, trying to work out what is happening.
I am so hard on myself to ensure I learn and don’t repeat the same mistakes, but it is internally killing me and I need to stop it. This society wants to think its modern, fairy tales of peace, love, harmony, and, acceptance but I beg to differ (one step forward, two steps back).
I rebel against common sense, I rebel against labels that impact and change my life, that is not accurately understood, or misunderstood by any individual involved. I rebel against rigid systems and procedures designed and funded to help individuals like myself….
Heres a revelation and a half that I hope to change, getting access to this so-called “help” could end your journey, not your issues,
There will be many different opinions on that statement, a debatable one I’m sure but it is my perception at the moment, through experience.
Peoples perceived conceptions of life can be crippling to themselves and others around them. My story is an on-going one that is filled with so many past, present, and still yet to come in my future just like every other person.
Society, the majority and minority, together we need to start broadening our understandings and awareness because, ignorance is a choice not a disability.
Because I choose to take the time to educate myself on every aspect possible, to some extent or another given time restraints and resources? That makes others uncomfortable at times as they do not like to think things in certain ways.
Is that a reason to avoid thinking about it because it makes them uncomfortable?
Does that make me the disabled one?
Well, your ignorance and expectations of my tolerance levels will always make me uncomfortable (vice versa) which is an end note to this blog, and onto another future one.
Have you ever heard of a quarter-life crisis? I’d heard of a mid-life crisis but quarter, that was new to me and wish I’d found it sooner, would have saved a lot of time
It happens to us in some sense, when we can become doubtful about our own lives, which is brought on by the stresses of becoming an adult.
The realisation could be that life is too short, that everything may not happen for a reason at all, or that truth and rationality are not governing forces, or even the fact that you will always be the one that loves more.
My quarter-life crisis boiled down to realising that the ideal circumstances I’ve been trying to fit my life into, may not exist.
That’s when I decided I can’t keep waiting, we can’t keep waiting, we owe it to ourselves to live our lives to the greatest and fullest possible ways, within our capabilities.
Whether that’s alone or part of a family, just live because waiting for that person to show up and change our lives just might not happen, so you’ve possibly wasted all that time. I hope for me and yourself, that we change that.
To read this article click the link Heard of a midlife crisis but a quarter-life crisis, what is that?
Other articles in this section
- Catastrophising; worst case scenario at an extreme
- New insights and understandings in my journey through, psychological and neurological disorders
- Investigating personality: An INTJ, diagnosed ADHD females personality traits, explored
- A trio for self-destruction: self-hatred, anxiety, and depression
- A little insight into one’s mental health and wellbeing