self-managing my time

We all have key roles to play when it comes to protecting our own health but all self-care, self-management, and self-parenting are, is becoming aware and being able to treat and manage your own mental health and wellbeing. To begin self-care it has to be initiated by the individual who requires it by managing their self and time better.

Time is the greatest resource we have that there never seems to be enough of or it passes too quickly. It is how we measure the passage of time representing the present as being between the past and future. There is nothing we can do to slow it down or get more of it, we have as much or as little as life presently allows, so making the most of it is vital.

Time is a continuous process of progression from the past, through the present and into the future. All we can do with the time we have is to get the most out of it. There are many ways where one goes about getting the most out of their day but without time management skills, you may be setting yourself up for failure time and time again.

We all want to accomplish more, procrastinate less and free up time for non-work related activities such as family days out or personal care.

Planning is a must to get the most effective use out of your time. Self-management involves time management so planning your day the night before, writing down things you need to do the next day and the steps it takes in order to accomplish the tasks and goals you need to achieve, could be more beneficial.

Gathering any information like phone numbers, paperwork or items required so you’re prepared and less likely to forget something allows for better organisation. The best tips to improve time-management consists of delegating, planning and prioritising, setting goals to work towards or that are achievable, meet deadlines, stay organised, find your productive time and minimise stress.

Sometimes we don’t notice where we are wasting time (procrastinating) or bringing on unnecessary stress by trying to juggle or take on more than we should. Self-care is often the time that is first to go and when this happens a sluggish cycle is likely to take its place, altering your mindset to think, act or behave differently.

We can put ourselves off doing any task for many a cluster of reasons, you may not know where to start, dislike it, understand it, lack confidence in your abilities to accomplish the task or worry about the outcome. Whatever the reason avoiding it creates anxiety that is getting no one anywhere. This, in turn, has knock-on effects that better management skills could have prevented.

More often than not it is better to just tackle the more worrying or difficult task first while you have the mental and physical strength to combat any unpleasantries that may or may not arise. Sometimes the hardest job is initially starting the task but not always, sometimes determination is the driving force alone that sees you through completion.

A good tip I plan on incorporating into my day-to-day living is prioritising and planning jobs the night before so I at least have some direction the next day. I often find whilst doing the easy or more enjoyable tasks first I’m constantly reflecting on the fact I have the bigger job in the back of my mind, like a dark permanent reminder.

I’m always focusing on the task I’m avoiding for whatever reason making everything seem much more challenging than it really is, creating unnecessary stress that then requires further management to get things back under control.

By prioritising tasks to start with the most difficult, more time-consuming or least pleasant given the environment fits the task, will allow for more effective and fulfilling results. By getting the one that elicits the more energy drainage out the way first will increase your motivation for what lays ahead, making the easy tasks feel that much more manageable and satisfying.

By spending some time looking into what you need to do with your time you may find someone else could do the job more effectively by delegating. They may enjoy it more depending on the skill level for the task in question, reducing the time and energy spent managing and thinking about that task. Therefore time is freed to complete other tasks that may require more skill or attention.

When delegating you must be careful not to consistently or frequently have others complete or help with jobs that you should be doing by yourself. This can create many problems so planning, prioritising and delegating require a balance that is considered manageable for the individual, groups or any other party involved.

A goal is a measurable objective that gives us something to work towards. Goals that are too easy won’t help keep us motivated but the ones that represent a challenge that isn’t too difficult, can. Having specific goals in life creates an order which keeps us motivated and working towards something

By setting goals to improve your time-management you can get a better understanding of what you are able to achieve in a day. You become more aware of your capabilities and what goals may have been too high or low, what was achieved and what wasn’t.

When it comes to organisation have a place for everything and put everything in its place. Have what you use more often closest to you and it may be worth setting aside a little time each day for organising.

You could write to-do lists, shred paperwork you no longer need or ensuring everything is in its place. Having a calendar or day planner can help remember important dates and deadlines.

By planning the time you need and keeping a record you will be less likely to forget or find yourself in the position where you have to drop everything in order to complete the objective.

Poor management of time creates unnecessary stress leading to more problems in the future, that could have been avoided. Stress creates anxiety and worry that can become distracting.

By not managing our time this can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety over completing tasks in a timely manner. To reduce stress we first have to figure out what is causing or creating it.

Is the issue at home, work or about a task or job that needs completing because once you figure out what the stressors are, it can be managed. Now that you know what is causing the stress you need to figure out what parts can be controlled and what can’t, break it down.

There will be some stressors that you can not control so you must either try to come up with a way to exert more control or to simply ignore the issue and focus on the parts of the stressors you can control.

Unfortunately, there will be some stress you cannot control therefore focusing on reducing stress physically would be another step you could take. This entails dedicating time to self-manage oneself by getting appropriate sleep, being physically active and eating a balanced diet that is right for you.

Some tips for improving sleep are to reduce distractions, very dark, quiet, going to bed and waking up the same time every day, avoid caffeine late in the day. Before going to bed try relaxing in a warm bath, listen to soothing music, reduce worry by writing a list of things to do the next day.

A common reason for struggling with time management is because we take on to many obligations because of the feeling we can’t say no.

We do this sometimes when we have little time but want to help others, we feel guilty for saying no or have simply misjudged the time we had.

It may feel good at the time to have said yes but have you considered what the actual commitment is?

How much time, effort and energy it will take?

Is it a good use of your time?

If not you could be agreeing to something that takes much longer than first anticipated, thus creating stress, worry and anxiety unnecessarily, that could have been avoidable and manageable.

For those that struggle to say no even when they know they should there are four steps to try help counteract this problem

  1. offer the other person a reason for why you are declining so as not to cause confusion, or make the other person think you are just being selfish or lazy
  2. Be tactful so as not to cause any hurt or anger.
  3. You could suggest an alternative that takes less time, creating another option.
  4. Say no as soon as possible, don’t take time to think that may create more problems if you know you are going to probably have to say no.

I studied ways of improving time management a few years back and thought I’d share my refresher course for those that may find it of use.  I struggle with my executive function skills when I lack consistency, concentration, and focus.

I need to pay more acute attention in these areas because the way I am managing my time at the moment isn’t very beneficial all round. As I continue to work on my self-management things should improve becoming much more manageable.

source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com – feature photo by pixabay

Further reading

  1. Taking care of yourself whilst taking care of others
  2. Sympathy and empathy created the literal word empathiser
  3. Looking into the word individual
  4. Saturday 1st September 2018; Splitting hairs between emotions and feelings

Taking care of yourself whilst taking care of others

Making or changing things seems a lot harder than keeping the old habits but eventually after it becomes a bit mindlessly repetitively simple, these small changes will become daily occurrences without even thinking about it, with long-term benefits

I believe anything can become a habit or repetitive thing we do, for example waking up every day having breakfast, getting washed, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair and getting dressed, prepared for what the day brings.

Say you are demotivated, depressed or anxious you might forget to take the morning steps you used to. You’re still in your PJ’s, uncaring or motivated with the thoughts of these tasks which only feed the negative feelings further, possibly having no intention of going out that day…

What do you do then?

This is where you have to become mindful whether caring for yourself or another but you have to recognise and become aware of the risks from thinking or behaving this way, that may be damaging or causing error in yourself or another

When we are taking care of something or someone we are paying special attention or effort to ensure it is not damaged, put at risk or error. Care can also be when the local authorities take responsibility for a child instead of the parents, which I have experienced.

Care is the process of protectively minding or being minded, it’s looking after someone, something or self-care. This could bring to life feelings that make oneself become worried or anxious. I came across the word keeper which is associated with care meaning harmony and agreement with.

Care is about control, management, protection, supervision and guardianship to name but a few. When I talk about control I mean the power to influence people’s behaviours or the course of the event.

When talking personally taking control over the way I think, act and behave is removing many restricting factors that a negative mindset once allowed. I’m working hard to change these for those that I care for and those that care for me.

We give this courtesy to our children, partner, friendships and so forth but often never think to give it to ourselves putting ourselves at risk of personal neglect.

So what is care yet again another word with so many surrounding and linking words but is about being bothered or having an interest. By looking more acutely at just one word ‘care’ I have found more answers.

When we are looking after someone or something we are caring or being cared for eliciting feelings simultaneously of worry, anxiety, and affection.

We can become anxious because we are worried or nervous due to unwelcomed things that might have happened or may happen, causing eagerness to have or do something about it.

Trying to keep ourselves or another safe from harm or injury is the hardest protection of all and the one that elicits feelings of fear to name just one, creating a chain reaction requiring care.

Care is a constant supervision where you are continuously carrying out tasks, jobs or work done to ensure everything is completed correctly.

It is a cycle that needs to be on a never-ending loop. I have spent so long trying to become unstuck I jumped of a cycle I never should have, and that is the one where we take care of ourselves as well.

Guardianship is about defending and protecting which sometimes we don’t have someone to do that for us.

Therefore we are required to learn the methods, skills, and techniques to equip us to be able to do that for ourselves and those we are able and those who are willing, to help.

When it comes to any form of care where it’s for someone else, yourself or something else, caution has to be taken to take care to avoid danger or mistakes. We may do this by paying heed in a cautiously sensible way whilst taking special care to take notice and consideration to things that might help.

We could become overly or underly prudent where all that caution and sensibility gets us stuck or shackled. Could be the opposite where a lack of prudence becomes untamed, hoping to be tameable.   This can cause us to worry and become troubled or bothered over unwelcomed things that have happened or may happen.

We can become annoyed and disturbed by this creating stress, anxiety, and tension. Caring for someone, something or someone can be a source of anxiety that is best learnt to manage.

When we are taking something or someone into consideration we are giving it careful thought such as thoughtfulness towards other people or where we take a fact into account when making a decision.

Taking care of ourselves involves all versions and ways of looking at the word care, even the ones I have not included. We have to mindfully look after ourselves by watching over, protecting, tending, or nursing ourselves back to a healthy mind set.

How we handle or deal with this, learn to manage or cope with it all depends on the individual. At the bottom of the article, I will include links to some articles that give more suggestions on how one goes about initiating self-care in more detail, I focused on care more acutely in this writing.

One of the first steps in self-care is being out the door ready each day whether in your comfy or feel good clothes it’s the start to combat a lack of motivation, drive and focus. One of the hardest to motivate is depression, anxiety or self-critical behaviour but forcing oneself to do these actions is a must.

You can access an article here A trio for self-destruction: self-hatred, anxiety, and depression on these mental health problems.

Some of the therapeutic activities I came across entailed personal-care as a highly important aspect to care. Relaxation could be anything from going for a walk, listening to music or yoga which I tried and enjoyed but lacked consistency.

Keeping your body fuelled and hydrated healthy through a well-balanced diet will give you the strength to get through your day. It allows you to keep physically and mentally active which is another tip I’m always reading about. Doing these each day will help with trying to get enough sleep by physically and mentally keeping yourself stimulated throughout the day leading into your evening.

Mindfulness is about paying heed, becoming aware and recognising what’s around you in all areas able. Learning how to take your own feelings into consideration alongside how others feel is a skill one can learn to improve that benefits all. An inner balance is achievable by recognising and accepting where needs work and where you already have the skills.

Getting out into nature can be a source of anxiety for some but the more accustomed you come to doing it allows for relaxation, mindfulness and being physically active ticking a few of the list simultaneously.

The first source for Self-care comes from the website mind. Here it talks about ways for you to stay aware of your mental health, how to nourish your social life. Just click the link to the website to take a look www.mind.org.uk

There are articles about trying peer support and making time for some of the therapeutic activities discussed above alongside looking after your physical health and how to contact specialist organisations.

The second source that I was grateful for is a really useful table available on Dr. Perry’s website where it has snapshot tips for self-care on an emotional, physical, spiritual, mental, practical and social level which was really useful for a quick reminder and some new ideas.

Learning how to manage how we care is essential not only for ourselves but our dependants and those around us starting with ourselves, self-help

Source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com – feature photo by Daria Shevtsova

Further reading

  1. Catastrophising; worst case scenario at an extreme
  2. Looking into the word individual
  3. Friday 27th Septemeber 2018; Time to begin looking into how one goes about taking self-care?
  4. Heard of a midlife crisis but a quarter-life crisis, what is that?
  5. A trio for self-destruction: self-hatred, anxiety, and depression

Thursday 16th August 2018, evolution reaching a pinnacle moment

Source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com – feature photo by Pixabay 

My focus is how too refocus oneself in a different way depending on mindset, mood or individualistic requirements that influence, seems a repetitively effective method and technique for this individual that I abandoned, at  a time I needed it the most. 

I believe it was because I allowed negative influence, words and feelings to set roots where they didn’t belong. fighting in stead of acceptingly embracing and managing my quirky abnormities that once were just normal to me, before people.  Currently I am trying to remind myself of a once upon a time where I used to give it all out and get it all back.

I always get there in the end landing on an answer that places me in the eye of the storm out of the chaos, showing the direction to the calm, eventually seeing, accepting and fixing the destruction left behind.  Starting the process all over again repairing and strengthening the foundations in avoidantly demanding preparation, for what I once did not have the time or ability to see.

What direction, method or timeframe is unpredictably predictable in some of the most orthodoxly simple, sometimes immeasurable in a humanistic statistical way that puts reason to logic.  Manipulating and managing natural chemical balances for any individual is a daunting task regardless of the method,  may it be the long way round, the way the crow flies cutting directly through the middle, or sitting on the side lines biding your time….

Whatever you do never give up because there is always light at the end of the tunnel, do not fall into the dark hole of abyss, cloaking and submerging yourself in the self sabotaging way of thinking that is depression, sadness is unavoidable but manageable before it manifests into something, way more ugly.

It is up to you not to let anything snuff out your light, an inner battle that can be helped with sheer will and determination to survive, and an empathetic hand to find what yours is.  If you know it or when you find it you may have to dig real deep, but anchor to it and never let go of it. Before my children I used to just follow my feet, brushing off the dust and getting back up, no matter what because once upon a time I only had me, myself and I for whatever reason, to many to pin point just one.

Now I follow my children’s, partner’s and mine in some of the most challenging dynamically frustratingly unexplainable ways, but I do eventually turn the corner to see what I once avoided.

There within is the reason I wouldn’t change any of my colours, just like to understand and manage them better in a more beneficial way, for everyone.

What I’m learning to be a more important factor though is accepting and having faith in myself primarily, as I fight another battle with my biggest critic that is self-hatred. Whether I lose or win this one is not the questionably relevant outcome that determines all, because I will win the war against my inner Bermuda triangle, regardless.

Something I once was ignorant to but becoming more aware of is nowadays, I’m always hesitating, second guessing myself, not for myself but for others, to the point I appear to be lost, at times. 

The amazing thing I find about my brain is, I always leave a cookie trail to follow my way back carrying knowledge and understanding in some of the most innovatively revolutionary, but sometimes  destructive ways for myself, and others.

I have perfected the art of Silencing and protecting my inner core through perfectly imprisoning masks, takes a spectacularly observant eye to see the cracks and showing them seems to have had the worst, but best impact on my mental health and wellbeing for myself, and others.

As my action man once said ‘I am really resilient’…. I find myself saying I have very thick skin because nobody could be harder on me than I am myself, but how many theoretical burns does one person need to take to learn their lesson.  If a lesson is not learnt, the negative will continue, thus the positive in any bad situation being the lesson learnt and what actions, behaviour and outcomes that you take from them, that determines the path, you end up finding yourself on.

This is how I always manage to bounce back and land on my feet, some what like my nemesis known as the cat.  Our energies do not mix both equally wary of one another, approaching with caution.  Just a thought but probably because were both as unpredictable as each other, relate better with dogs, cats make me nervous.

Through writing and people there is a voice emerging behind the silenced, removing the veil figuratively speaking unravelling the tangle, allowing insight and glimpses into my hidden world, that I am now learning many others are trapped in.

The hope and intent is to make room to blossom fully opening up, by no longer holding myself back and getting nothing, in return.  I have personal reasons that make me continue this journey with my mental health team as do they, which is the reasons for many as I have learnt first hand, to why they do their job in the first place never giving up, everyone has a story.

What isn’t needed or doing any good for you, can’t be ignored if the cost is yourself.  If you need to hide do it temporarily until you reflectively recuperate or ground yourself.  If you do not like it express it but in an empathetic way, only then can we truly blossom into the true reflection of ourselves.

Right now the best way to describe how I feel is with these words….. I am looking at heaven whilst living in a hell of my making, asking questions that have led me to answers I never thought or imagined, I would find. I don’t know what I believe but I have learnt not to allow my eyes, ears or any of my senses to be deceived.

Answers live indefinitely and what we once may have thought, may not have been the case which we often, learn too late.  So for me personally it is time to face it, stop running or hiding from the reality, bursting the bubble I no longer need.  Today has been a day where I face the music instead of, hiding behind it.

I have been a busy wee soul in the right and wrong ways, but managing the negative and positive in a balanced way, is never easy.  I’m a firm believer that you have to have faith in yourself to have faith in anything else, to maximise full potential and growth.

So, a little about my day that allowed for an evolutionary pinnacle moment on a personal level, different from what had become my norm.  My wee mans first full day (9:00am-3:20pm) in nursery couldn’t have gone better, neither could have my first day of putting my big girl pants on and getting back out into the big wide world, where real people live, child free!!.  Could have been more productive in some ways, but it was my first day with that amount of hours kid free, man free, and time for myself to do with as I please.

I managed getting kids too and from school without turning it into a military operation of get in, get out ninja style with as minimal notice, or small talk as possible. For a change my brain didn’t switch to high alert, danger or high voltage, internally wanting to mimic my sons behaviour of hiding under the table.

I am an Adult, so that I believe may spark some questions and sideward glances making the cracks visible, so standing like a statue seems to be my usual mask and way of coping to cover the cracks, one extreme to another.

I managed to control and manipulate my thoughts as soon as I was aware my mindset had shifted back to catastrophise my way of thinking.  I’ve created habits, systems and strategies to avoid, a little to well, forgetting I’m a living breathing organism.

I had a great morning but I have to say to all mothers used to getting two kids ready in the morning for nursery and arrive on time, hats off to you because I was not prepared for the mass difference at 7:00 o’clock with the 3 and 9 year dynamic.  Smoke was coming out my backside as I made pack lunches, dealt with melt downs and hormones, using negotiation techniques in the skilled, unquestionable way.

My avoidant behaviour to the previous demands the night before, were surely noted.  I need to have everything organised and prepared the night before, which is next weeks plan

So as I say dropped kids off, had bumped into a friend on the school run home the previous afternoon, and planned a proper catch up for this morning.   We met up after dropping my wee man off 10 minutes before 9 (early bird for a change), and chatted for about 5-6 hours.

I have not been so social in the past few years… most definitely not a social butterfly, slowly changing it but not making much progress as I continuously shut myself away.  Time frames always varying from some time, too uncalculatable amounts of time.  More often increasing becoming more extreme a shut down than a melt down, as time has progressed.   As of late I seem to have managed a lot more forced and unavoidable social interactions.

I’m learning to trust and enjoy it, with the right people and manipulate the energies with the ones that I don’t.  Building up your self esteem and confidence is no easy task, especially when it is in the gutter but I’m not one to shy away from a challenge

I even managed a 40min gab with mum, catching up and hearing how good things are starting to become after my grandad passed in April and my Mentally challenged Nana in her mid 70’s, come to live with them a few weeks ago.  I am able to be an empathetic ear but unfortunately due to distance, not able to actually be of much use when their working.  In time I hope to change that but unfortunately, that is something out with my control at the moment, that will change in the future.

The fact we have the National health service is a blessing even though we constantly exhaust the resources making the time-delays appear unavoidable.  But the right people are becoming involved opening doors for my Nana and myself by taking the time to gather information, starting therapy in our futures to help heal and allow for a clearer, more acute understanding allowing for clarity where there once, appeared to be none

This Journey and process has and will change mine and others futures, it is taxingly exhausting on every individuals mental health involved.  The system is in dire need of a resurrection but there are people trying to do that by NEVER giving up on those, who need their help.  The journey is hard, but my scales always balance out eventually and this time I know inside and outside, I am not Alone

www.naturalempathiser.com for more reading, understanding and depth

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser

Facebook Group and page: Natural Empathiser and Natural Empathisers

Source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com

To truly understand you have to delve deeper, accept this invitation to walk with me for a moment into so many contradicting, confusingly frustrating answers, questions and revelations.  Maybe together mysteries or already answered puzzles can be solved or connected. (Human Rubik cube’s)

We are all moulded to fit certain expectations but what happens when you force yourself, or are forced to fit into rigid structures? Does it create depression and anxiety? Are social pressures becoming more intense or are we becoming a permanent fixtured reality tv show like big brother where privacy is outdated? As myself, yourself, and others open their books, allowing insight into their stories, I hope to broaden my understandings and hopefully find answers, where there once appeared to be, none. (turning my ignorance to awareness)

When ones mental health and wellbeing are skewed, it seems like common sense to have issues with your personality. I’m newly diagnosed as an adult and untreated for 30 years, and I don’t mean medicated.  This has created many a psychological disorder over the years, creating lots of confusion to whether or not I am Autistic.

I believe through time, research and help from those able, one day I will get a definitive answer to whether I am only ADHD, Autistic or both.  All my days people, society, and systems have told me in many a varied way, that I am different and don’t fit the ‘norm’.  Being referred to as abnormal most my days has now been given the label to fit, but life has already delivered many detrimental blows with many knock on effects my entire life, whether intentional or not.

This has led me to a new path, where the therapy I will undertake can help gain insights into what damage needs repaired, in relation to my mental health in order to gather more resources, to answer the question whether I am on the spectrum more accurately?  I have created the blog/website www.naturalempathiser.com for those who can relate, who may find my words of use, but my primary goal was for those who can help, to have and be able to, gain access and insights to my words, without any systems or procedures getting breached or causing miscommunication, in a more timely and effective manner, which I believed was achieved to some extent, so what next?

I don’t agree with everything I or others have done before, but it’s through others and our own mistakes we learn. The problem wasn’t solely people, or systems, it was fitting in to somewhere so contradictory and insensible, a society that disables itself repeatedly. I do question whether it is possible for humanity to reach equilibrium, as I do not believe we are naturally supposed to live the way we are, but it is how you create an orderly society in which we all can live.

There are many whose stories or voices can’t or won’t be heard, for a vast and varied amount of reasons. This group is a place to share your stories, experiences and insights in an individual way, where the labels are just guidelines to allow for deeper understanding and insight, not set in stone. There are approximately 7.5 billion people in the world, so any label or categories you are placed are generalised not individualised. How many people in the world have the same diagnosis, neurological or Psychological disability/disorder, personality or whatever else, as you do? I’m interested in the difference between them, to find and understand the Individual, behind the label.

This Facebook group is a new project stemmed from the website http://www.naturalempathiser.com  for those relevant to hear or read, mine and others voices. I hope to open a communication platform of sorts, for whoever finds it of use, or the words relatable, who have difficulties at times with their psychological and neurological disorders. A virtual community where labels and words are just guidelines and insights for a deeper understanding. As I learn, my blog, group and page will grow with me, any suggestions, feedback, insight or thoughts please comment. I hope you enjoy or find use out of my words, as I will from yours and the peoples I hear or see past, present and future.

Just either click here and in the menu you can like, follow or join the group

www.naturalempathiser.com for more reading, understanding and depth

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser