Saturday 25th August 2018; stripping my language back to basics

Source of writing – – feature photo by pixabay

A new, old and used method needs revised for this woman born in Scotland, in regards to my understanding of the basic English language. I’ve been so focused on the advanced, the basic has become intangibly  lost, or submerged.

We use a metaphor to make comparisons between two things, an example being, ‘understanding the other is seeing more clearly’.  As an empathiser my way of thinking is to explain through comparison, simply to understand what may come easy to others, but not all.

It’s what fascinates, intrigues and confuses myself and the people that have met me.  What I have come to realise is it is because I have always thought similarly, but spectacularly different from what is deemed, the ‘norm’.

I’ve never known the words to explain so more often that not, just stay silent and shift my focus else where.  After I had a more useful appointment with my clinical psychiatrist in April 2018, I decided to focus more acutely, on myself for a change.

The discoveries have been beneficially mindboggling in some senses, with  personally disabling consequences, that I get better equipped to deal with as time passes.  My thoughts, actions and behaviour simultaneously frightened, comforted and confused myself and others, in ways I never thought possible.

“we are not bad, just misled”…….. so much contradiction, truth and falsity within those words, that I can write what feels like endlessly, about.

Some believe you can be born evil, which is the opposite to good, that statement holds a lot of truthful misguidance and falsity. We are born with a combination of things that humanity through trial, error and learning, have placed necessary labels because without them, there would be a lot more confusion.

Something that happens with every human-being, is we were once, possibly still are, or never will, be made aware of something.  The consequence could cause catastrophic confusion in regards to the basic or advanced language used, as we desperately try to understand explanations through comparison.

This is an influence, force and choice in almost everything, that we use language as the communication platform, to define generalised meaning and understanding, in an attempt to explain.

When I first start writing they are just snippets of innovations, I could be surrounded by self-possessed catastrophe or a culmination calmly composed, regardless it always takes shape. When I started writing and sketching out ideas I never new what the true purpose or intent was, just that it was helping me.

Time never ceases but forever keeps changing my compass, a constant that consistently finds, continuously shifting as its pushed and pulled in and out of its destinations, or times frame .

Stripping something back to its originality when necessary, can allow for some head space to gather interrupted thoughts, in to full, consistently understandable ones. The natural empathiser is something that has took me years to conclude into a communication platform, written in my understanding of the English language.

A place to express 30 years off life through individuality, understanding and empathy, as a newly discovered neurological and psychologically disabled female.

I created the website for those who require access to my words on a professional, personal or curious nature, were able too, in a more timely effective way.  Many who have read my articles kept asking do I have a blog, I used to think I did until I discovered that was not the case, so I created one.

Although I express in my own words, they were never mine originally that was well before my time, I wonder what words have been created in my time though!

I suppose it is about the style, intent or meaning of a blogger, in the basic and advanced sense that has allowed me to discover many a words I may once, never. Thus creating understanding in more depth, that I am trying to communicate using the English language. for more reading, understanding and depth

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser

Sunday 19th August 2018; looking into empathy and sympathy created the literal word empathiser

How many can relate to the words seen, felt, or heard from books, movies, or people such as, looking at heaven living through hell? Everyone at some point past, present and future will have felt the desperation or burning desire to separate themselves, from their reality.

When I’m doing the biggest sprint or long distance marathon around the circumference of mine, or another’s black hole, I find answers whilst looking at questions, regardless if they are accepted in all perceived perceptions or not, it becomes irrelevant.

With me as the focus, this is my life where I have dependents and not just the ones I’ve created, so being a sympathiser and an empathiser are essential in relation to being able to express, feel and understand empathy and sympathy, where I once may have been lacking depending on how you choose, want, or are able, to perceive it.

I am a reader at heart which is my obsession and place of solace, a deep intuitive thinker and these words are stemmed from that alongside, research and life through comparison, expressed through me.

I now believe I do have an understanding and answer I am content with, alongside a way of explaining a 30 year long conundrum personally relating to myself, with regards to the words empathy and sympathy, or empathise and sympathise, or ………. and sympathiser, in a literal sense.

The ‘natural empathiser’ is a communication platform in a virtual sense, another extension created from the workings of my brain.

By explaining, understanding, and attempting to communicate, my internal language and way of thinking externally, I hope others on a similar journey or coincidingly aiding with mine, can gain deeper understanding and insight.

Verbal communication is not always the most effectively useful method to use for myself and others, therefore I can become selfish and dependant on words in every scope and sense.

I write for myself and now others to mull, sympathise or empathise with, as my opinions and views are influenced and changed, through mine and others experiences

This is my fight for survival and at times I can assure you, my way will not be of the ‘norm’ or completely orthodox to the system one may desire me to fit.  This is the only way I know how, that saves myself and others with the desire and drive to survive, each and every time, unravelling the tangle so too speak.

My way of thinking intrigues, frustrates, and influences others that I have met, causing them to think in ways that elicit feelings of both empathy and sympathy simultaneously, depending on mine or their, mindset.

I do this as I try to understand and explain the individuality, which has many a confusing contradiction.  I am currently trying to learn to control, manipulate or brace for impact in more effectively resourceful, and beneficial outcomes for all.

Sometimes I can be extremely sympathetic or empathetic, eventually resulting in neither.  This can have positive and negative impacts for myself and others, who may or may not be comfortable in that setting.  We can become influenced in how we think, behave, or understand the exchanges or events that have took place.

I don’t know what I believe but there is one thing I always settle myself on, which I need to change to my constant.  That would be equilibrium, a balance which is a course of action, a way of seeing or way of thinking, that I will not allow my eyes or ears to be deceived, the cost is to great.

It would be a lot easier in an ignorant sense if I did, and I may appear to be temporarily doing just that, at times.  I have learnt the true meaning to the words, you cant run from yourself.

More often than not if you do, there is a trail of destruction and aftermath left that is no easy task for the faint hearted, to repair, fix and move on from.

As time passes I understand more and more some things are unexplainable in one sense whilst being, predictably ignorant but yet aware at the same time, in another.

If I allow myself to hide behind where I have been deceived  or ignorant to in the past I become disabled, my awareness enables me because shutting down is my disease.

The answers do live indefinitely, and sometimes, we have to simply face it because we can not change it, which is a reality we all have to accept at times.

I become sick and tired trying to work out, how many questions is it going to take to find me?

I am Natural regardless because I am a human being, a product of, or from mother nature, naturally conceived and as far as I am aware, naturally delivered into this world.  This is where many a lesson has been taught in some extreme ways, bringing me to an understanding in more depth and scope.

I do not believe I was brought into this world with what we have seen, as a majority wiring in the brain.  This is just a theory with no actual visual proof of sorts, but there may possibly be one day, who knows. 

I have researched and played around with the words empathy and sympathy more acutely, coming to the realisation that once upon a time I could explain and understand empathy and sympathy, but unable to feel and express it in ways deemed ‘the norm’  

The word ‘Empathiser ‘as far as I’m aware is not a recognised word in the English language or Oxford dictionary, that is why I have declared myself one as no one seems to recognise me.

We have a sympathiser which is a person who agrees or supports a sentiment, opinion, or ideology.  I learnt to be a sympathiser in the extreme sense through out my tweens to younger adolescence.

When I had my children I learnt to be an……..

Empathiser – which is a person who understands or explains through comparison, a sentiment, opinion or ideology.

Well at least my interpretation, definition and meaning of the word, therefore allowing me to say I am neither empathy nor sympathy, I’m something else entirely, when splintering.

What I hope and plan to achieve is placing my internal scales the majority of the time, at a balance. slightly tilting when necessary.  This is my strive through sheer will, determination and focus for equilibrium on a personal level.

I know I will achieve this eventually more often, as I do manage to achieve it naturally on occasions, with a little help from other people.

I have came to the realisation life isn’t easy for anyone at times, sometimes, there are not enough words to make a sentence for someone else to understand and explain.  This can challenge things even further, making it even harder to find your way.

A survivor of life against a deadly disease we relate to as cancer once said these words to me, that have played over in my head time and time again, (a triggered thought when the situation links, and everything falls in line.)

She said to me ‘there has to be a heaven, because we are all ready living in hell’, she wasn’t just talking about the disease or treatment eating away at her, but everything in her life and others she was aware, to date.

I once had life described as hell which in too many a sense, its a close replica to what I have learnt and seen, interpreted from the word.    The emotional highs and lows that we feel on this obstacle we call life vary in a dynamically fascinating, sometimes unexplainable in a logical or rational way.

How one begins explaining depends on the steps you’ve took, the sights you’ve seen and the experiences you have had that may or may not, coincide with another

Doesn’t matter who, what or where you are, anyone regardless of the circle or class their from  can stumble upon the long road, cross road, or slams straight into a barricade in their life.

This can be because of anything, everything, and whatever is in between, because every single human being  can become overwhelmingly complicated, threatening to engulf if given the chance.

We all question ourselves, our integrity and pride, often described and linked to self destructive tendencies one may say.  Regardless, it has knock on effects for oneself and another, impacting self esteem and confidence.

I do not know how to put myself first or even think about myself before others anymore, because I was told I done it to extreme once upon a time, so my problem seems to be a contrasting one that I’m beginning to rectify.

I’m the living breathing organism that is smoke and mirrors, by focusing on other problems, I can detach from myself essentially, hiding or avoiding.  I find it’s easier helping someone else, distracts and gives me a reprieve from my internal prison of damnation .

I’m always trying to keep those closest happy without realising, by forgetting about myself it has knock on effects.  One in particular is the influences on what I put out, more often that not getting nothing back in return, causing me to lose faith in myself and others.

What I’m beginning to understand is how much I’m hurting myself, and those closest in the long run.  I used to say when I was on a one way ticket to the place my demons go, no one should have to witness, be a part of or a bystander in, without understanding you may end up losing yourself in the process, and I stand by it.

I have been reminded that silence is not always the best option but neither is too many words.  If I don’t like, agree or see sense in it I will express it, because I’m sick and tired of imploding till eventually, I explode.

This cycle is far too unpredictably predictable, and can leave many a casualty or survivor.  As time passes and I’m taught better ways to communicate, hopefully my word choices get better verbally, controlling the balance of melting and shutting down.

I don’t have to burn in side when I don’t have enough words to make a sentence verbally, because my mind is working way to fast to find the right way.  Sometimes there is no one size fits all, right or wrong way solution.  The only option is to learn how to lessen, prepare, or avoid the impact. for more reading, understanding and depth – feature photo by pixabay

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser