The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale – Revised; comparing and explaining results in an attempt to understand

Source of writing – Feature photo by pexels

I took the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-revised at aspie tests, if you would like to take it just click the underlined text to get access to them.  You have to set up an account first but they haven’t spammed once and I’ve been a member for months, there are also many other tests to take.

Although this test is designed not to be taken solely but rather with a professional in a clinical setting, we don’t all have this privilege.  I do not believe we have the professionals available to take the test with me at different intervals in the relevant timescales, I was once told this was because they were understaffed.

Although this test is supposed to be done in a clinical setting that can be quite unsettling for me if I’m honest. Therefore this is likely impacting and influencing the results.  It is hard to diagnose me because my disabilities or disorders do not present definitive or easily observable symptoms.

I am 30 years old with my eldest being 10, I have learnt plenty through observant trial and error, although not enough in some retrospects but I’m still young and im forever changing.

I first took this test 3 months ago with an overall score of 172 on the 17th June 2018.  I retook it on the 17th September 2018 and scored an overall score of 161.  The threshold is 65 for being suspected of Autism, this result was 11 points less this time but 95 above the threshold.

Some of the phrasing in the words caused me to overthink the question plus it is quite complex trying to stay focused on the answer choices.  I came across this article from a fellow blogger who took the test back in 2012 where it was said the questions seem to be skewed more towards Social relatedness and male orientated.

There are 80 questions on the RAADS-R that cover 4 symptoms of Language, Social relatedness, sensory-motor, and circumscribed interests.  I intend to explain a little about the 4 categories coinciding with my past and present results representative of their relevant label.4

In language Junes result was 14 whilst Septembers 12 threshold 4, Social relatedness was 66.0 now 71.0 threshold 31.  The sensory/ motor in June was 56.0 now it is 50 threshold 16 whereas Circumscribed interest was 36.0 and is now 28.0 threshold 15

I’m beginning to believe many of us don’t care about there being a right and wrong answer, it’s becoming more about understanding

This test has been designed to accommodate the fact some adults who show a presentation of autism may no longer have symptoms, that were there in childhood but no longer present in adulthood and vice versa

Another brilliant point made in the article linked above was the phrasing of the words.  The words ‘always/never/only‘ were often used causing the test to take longer as these words were mulled over, I agree that ‘sometimes‘ or ‘most of the time‘ could have been more fitting

Language is just how human beings communicate either in written or spoken words depending on circumstance, system or style.  Some do have persistent problems with social communication and social interactions can be problematic

I’m forever having my tones picked apart in formal and informal settings  When I was younger I struggled with gestures or tones of voices but i have improved over the years.

Once upon a time I used to have a literal understanding of language and used to believe people meant what they said.  An example would be when my mother told me frogs give you warts, to stop me from bringing all the critters home.

This eventually did work when I got a wart and stopped bringing them home. Obviously, no truth behind my mother’s words that I genuinely believed, it was a coincidence. It was in my late twenties and I freaked about kids touching frogs that had my partner put me right in my thinking.

I learnt in many a harder way than that, to learn not to take everything at face value and not believe everything you hear.  In my younger days facial expressions, tones, jokes, and sarcasm were my nemesis.

I have had the privilege of watching 10 years in a girl blossom and have had nearly 4 with my little boy.  This journey has taught me to become more aware of what we allow our eyes to perceive.  I can understand a lot better than I express nowadays.

I used to have great difficulty understanding other peoples feelings and intentions, followed by knowing how to express how I feel about it.  When I’m overloaded I seek alone time, I don’t tend to seek it from others.

Too many occasions, I have appeared insensitive as I try to figure out the problem and how to rectify, fix or move on from.  This can then lead to opinions and views that I am behaving in a socially inappropriate way.

To have restricted and repetitive patterns of behavious, activities, and interests can mean preferring more of a routine or lack of change, liking the same thing.  It can be hard to take a different approach when you have been taught the right or certain way to do it, I prefer to prepare for the change in advance where possible but have learnt to adapt where possible.

You can be overly sensitive to sounds, touch, tastes, smells, lights, colours, and temperatures becoming unbearably loud or distracting creating fascinations, anxiety or even pain

Finding where to challenge your interest or focus when pursuing these can be fundamental to one’s wellbeing and happiness.

I have taken these test 3 months apart and still score really high.  I have learnt a lot and realise this test is based on accuracy so understanding it is important.  I am diagnosed ADHD officially but this journey is not finished for more reading, understanding, and depth

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser

Saturday 25th August 2018; stripping my language back to basics

Source of writing – – feature photo by pixabay

A new, old and used method needs revised for this woman born in Scotland, in regards to my understanding of the basic English language. I’ve been so focused on the advanced, the basic has become intangibly  lost, or submerged.

We use a metaphor to make comparisons between two things, an example being, ‘understanding the other is seeing more clearly’.  As an empathiser my way of thinking is to explain through comparison, simply to understand what may come easy to others, but not all.

It’s what fascinates, intrigues and confuses myself and the people that have met me.  What I have come to realise is it is because I have always thought similarly, but spectacularly different from what is deemed, the ‘norm’.

I’ve never known the words to explain so more often that not, just stay silent and shift my focus else where.  After I had a more useful appointment with my clinical psychiatrist in April 2018, I decided to focus more acutely, on myself for a change.

The discoveries have been beneficially mindboggling in some senses, with  personally disabling consequences, that I get better equipped to deal with as time passes.  My thoughts, actions and behaviour simultaneously frightened, comforted and confused myself and others, in ways I never thought possible.

“we are not bad, just misled”…….. so much contradiction, truth and falsity within those words, that I can write what feels like endlessly, about.

Some believe you can be born evil, which is the opposite to good, that statement holds a lot of truthful misguidance and falsity. We are born with a combination of things that humanity through trial, error and learning, have placed necessary labels because without them, there would be a lot more confusion.

Something that happens with every human-being, is we were once, possibly still are, or never will, be made aware of something.  The consequence could cause catastrophic confusion in regards to the basic or advanced language used, as we desperately try to understand explanations through comparison.

This is an influence, force and choice in almost everything, that we use language as the communication platform, to define generalised meaning and understanding, in an attempt to explain.

When I first start writing they are just snippets of innovations, I could be surrounded by self-possessed catastrophe or a culmination calmly composed, regardless it always takes shape. When I started writing and sketching out ideas I never new what the true purpose or intent was, just that it was helping me.

Time never ceases but forever keeps changing my compass, a constant that consistently finds, continuously shifting as its pushed and pulled in and out of its destinations, or times frame .

Stripping something back to its originality when necessary, can allow for some head space to gather interrupted thoughts, in to full, consistently understandable ones. The natural empathiser is something that has took me years to conclude into a communication platform, written in my understanding of the English language.

A place to express 30 years off life through individuality, understanding and empathy, as a newly discovered neurological and psychologically disabled female.

I created the website for those who require access to my words on a professional, personal or curious nature, were able too, in a more timely effective way.  Many who have read my articles kept asking do I have a blog, I used to think I did until I discovered that was not the case, so I created one.

Although I express in my own words, they were never mine originally that was well before my time, I wonder what words have been created in my time though!

I suppose it is about the style, intent or meaning of a blogger, in the basic and advanced sense that has allowed me to discover many a words I may once, never. Thus creating understanding in more depth, that I am trying to communicate using the English language. for more reading, understanding and depth

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser

Thursday 23rd August 2018, never forget the old discovering the new

Source of writing feature photo by Pixabay

We are always looking for new ways to do things, even in times when it is not necessary, especially when we do not understand it.  I never forget the old when I discover something new, it is how I decide my next steps.

I am beginning to understand what I once upon a time thought wasn’t possible, for someone like me in to many ways, that I have not learnt yet how to communicate.  The reasons are many but I have either forgotten, never or yet to be taught, how to put it, express it or explain it in a language, that is understandable, insightful and useful, seems to be my consistently persistent challenge

I’m a reader, used to created stories because they weren’t real….. Easier or so I had deluded myself to believe, just helped me escape my reality by living in someone else’s fantasies. I haven’t really been able to complete a book for some time, almost worse than losing access to being able to write in 2016.  

I have had to become hyper focused on untangling and fixing certain areas and aspects relating to my own life. 

I am also a writer, someone who has used it to help myself my entire life from the moment I knew how.  Sometimes I am unable to catch a single word to bring to life through pen and paper, typewriter or digitally, pictures emerge instead somewhat clusters where my hand flows turning doodles into understanding, visually.

Now I find myself sharing these words because I could not ignore the fact that there are far to many people out there suffering, unaware there is help there and not possibly in the conventional way.  I am currently being helped by a system where there most required resource is become obsolete, time scales stretched to impossibly frustrating and disabling lengths.

As I follow a new trail but never forgetting the old, I learn through intelligently intuitive insights with so much intellect, from experiences that cause the chemical balances in my body to produce complex levels, that my body rejects because they can cause them to spiral.

To put that in another way, someone reminded me that hopes, dreams and change can happen in the most fascinatingly unexplainable but necessary ways, whether you let it or not.  How you prepare, manage or control it is another journey I am only just coming to grips with, comparing old with new and finding the middle with the right people by my side

Recently I have had to do this in many areas in my life where decisions have, and have had to be made.  There is one in particular that has caused many a frustration but the deadlines fast approaching, and my scales have dipped to extremes both negatively and positively, but their balancing more acutely, with what I plan on studying.

I have decided accountancy and writing because they are both equally relevant, combining the two.  Sounds way better than forgetting all about everything I have tried to study for, the path I have worked towards over coming many an obstacle, for a few years now.

I am still learning how to juggle myself, family and life in general just like every human-being, going through a decluttering, organising and sorting of phase just now, in every way I am currently able.

I have learnt peoples experiences, the steps they have taken, and the outcomes that have happened, can exhaust, humble and ground simultaneously in the most peculiar of ways.  My verbal is not the best consistently, but I can try and help through writing and other projects, that I have begun undertaking because silence is not doing anyone any favours, at times.

For me change is evolutionarily unavoidable allowing me to come to the decision, I will not be studying psychology or science academically at the moment, because the change would be to big to manage, predict or control.

Another reason is because once upon a time I picked what I have chose to study for many a reason, more so because in high school I had only a few lessons in many subjects but business, the least.  Change is needed but I’m not going to solely focus on business or writing, I will combine them alongside psychology and science, but in a different way.

I used to read novels obsessively, I changed that….. words in many ways I could relate to because personally they are relevantly linkable and relatable to my present, past and future

Sometimes we can all think in the wrong frame of mind requiring slight alterations, to get it in the right frame.  For myself I am now back in my right mind, just the wrong frame, requiring careful manipulative moves altering the course, ever so slightly for my internal compass, but I will get there.

I am not a therapist, degree holder or someone that claims to know all.  I do study with the open university have for many years, read countless amounts of words, and have heard many a story.  I am a patient of the NHS, a mentally challenged one that you would never consider, if you allow your eyes to be deceived.

Out of the 3 gender categories at birth which are Female, Male and intersex, my gender is female and I have had 30 years, soon to be 31 in October.   Had no say in the gender, neither did my mum she only had the X chromosome. It was actually my dad who decided, when the strongest won.

Myself and my partner now have a number of days before our daughter turns 10 and we couldn’t be prouder.  Our son is a handful mind you but an amazing character who is just a wee pre-schooler.

So, I am a mother of 2, in a long-term relationship, who happens to be the very broad but required label female, who is a patient trying to understand and survive, similar but different things to yourself.

I seem to verbally communicate snippets, clues or questions as I hungrily search for more understanding, knowledge for my own personal growth, my families and others.  This is what guides and keeps me steering, on whatever course my life decides, chooses or wants.

The natural Empathiser used to be a solo journey or so I thought, it never really has been.  Yes I have created a website and begun communicating written and verbally, in many new and old ways.  If it wasn’t for the people who I have met, that I read or hear about, I wouldn’t be here today writing these words, life has a mysterious way of balancing itself out.

For more insight, understanding or for whatever reason brought you to my word in the first place, visit

If you are suffering and form of self hatred, anxiety or depression you might benefit from reading A trio for self destruction: self-hatred, anxiety, and depression, as someone who has been there and can relate, this is what I have discovered through my way of thinking, and something I once thought but now understand…….. your not alone.

Further Reading

  1. My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
  2. Trip down Memory Lane
  3. Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
  4. My Journey through Mental health
  5. The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
  6. Welcome to the natural empathiser