Sometimes in life, we can become tired of being the people that everyone wants us to be. We can become confused with who we are as we try to stay on top of the Pedis stools we have placed ourselves, or, have been placed upon.
It can begin to feel like we are sinking and becoming submerged, barely bobbing above the surface because we really do not understand what is expected of us sometimes, completely taken off guard whilst we are unaware.
When we try to walk in the shoes of another it can be a heavy burden to carry where every step taken can just feel like another mistake made.
Causing some to become introverted, withdrawing into themselves where the sense of becoming numb is a welcomed relief. Where you become so tired because you have become so aware, you begin to miss the person you truly are.
Sometimes we can become so trapped within our internal prisons reality is not welcomed in a sense. We become so numb, exhausted and feeling so alone regardless of how many people surround you.
Life is about both your successes and your failures and at points, you will fail. When you’re knocked down you have to dig deep to find whatever anchors you, stand back up and brush yourself off, learn from your mistakes.
Our anxieties can suffocate those closest because it eventually projects on to them possibly due to fear. Obviously being a parent I want what is best for my kids but their core foundation needs to be happy
When we fear a loss of control we can smother it holding on to tightly because all of our ideologies have faced reality, some will hold but others wont
Failures can have the best rewards if a lesson is learnt and we change what caused it in the first place. It’s easy to write the words but doing it in practice is an entirely different thing but something I do daily, continuously evolving to the best version of myself I can be.
I often hear the words ‘stay true to yourself’ and they hold more depth than I once gave them credit. Individualism is about being you, yes we all have similarities some more than others but don’t lose yourself in that process because there’s no known duration on how long the trip back takes.
We all want to feel like we have somewhere we belong but sometimes we get so lost in what feels like the nothingness but a whole load of something, that can become temporarily blinding. I become detached physically trying to get back to thinking in my right mind.
When I first began blogging I wrote so that those aiding in my search for answers and understanding could read my words for a change, because my medical records are a mess. That is not why I write now, I do it because it’s therapeutic, it has helped and related to many others, which is humbling.
I learnt a lot from this journey and reading the words of others that I realised I am not the only person who has these thoughts of feeling stuck, hollow and alone whether we blame ourselves or not
My goal is to heal where damage has been done, letting go of the pain that isn’t doing me any justice. The process is hard but daily all the little changes are starting to add up to big ones.
For a long time, I got stuck in fantasy novels because I needed a reprieve from my reality, reading like an addict trying to erase all the pain until it was gone.
Sometimes there is no one to help us along our way so we have to do it on our own. Healing the old wounds allows us to be stronger for any more to come by learning to manage and control them and sometimes that means breaking away from yourself, the internal prison that may be doing more damage than good.
I always wanted to belong somewhere and the funny thing is I always have I just got blindsided. I am fortunate enough to have the family I have and together we seem to make the impossible possible
We can all become a little obsessive over time trying to grab some more, waste or be oblivious to the time we have. This is where i realised the journey of life is more important than the start or the end.
We all try so hard and eventually only get so far but in the end, it doesn’t even matter, what does is what you have contributed, took or gave from your life.
Other articles in this section
- Saturday 1st September 2018; Splitting hairs between emotions and feelings
- Saturday 8th September 2018; What do you do when no one knows what is wrong with you, 3 years later????
- Tuesday 11th September 2018; Esteem and confidence, looking at the brighter side of life
- Saturday 15th September 2018; The little things adding up