This week has been an eventful one where I have been changing the way I approach and manage things that transpire in my life. I’m doing this to alter and manipulate my negative thought processes to more positively balanced ones, well that’s what I hope to achieve more acutely.
I became too aware at one point if there is such a thing, that came at a personal cost where I have had to learn many a lesson, with much still to be learnt. I think that is life as we know it, every day is a school day as they say
I’ve been appreciating and doing the little things that seem to be making the biggest improvements, its is the little things sometimes that can make the biggest difference.
Take today, we planned yesterday a day out swimming with the family as it has been a long time since we done something like that all together. I wasn’t going out as much as I once used to which isn’t good for me or my family, in the long run.
That was the original plan but due to circumstances out with my control, we had to make some changes, as you do sometimes. We did, however, end up taking them to soft play, had lunch and spent a couple hours there.
Once we finished up we headed down to the beach, to the rock pools to gather some new additions to a new tank project recently constructed. It was nice to pass the time and see everyone enjoying themselves together
It was fun getting out for a while although my anxiety is more observantly aware at the moment.
What I mean by this is my thoughts are easier to grasp and understand consciously, increasing my anxiety in some retrospect’s, as I have time to focus on the thought.
Originally my thoughts come and go that fast I’m unaware i’m portraying myself on edge in the way I do at times, as its happening in my subconscious so to speak.
This new direction and way of managing things that’s worked wonders in some ways. On one hand, I’m more active, less white noise in my head and managing the way I project my persona better.
On the other hand though I am more apprehensively anxious and restless at times, unable to unwind.
I have been thinking a lot lately about that list of skills and achievements i talked about in Tuesday 11th September 2018; Esteem and confidence, looking at the brighter side of life, whilst dealing with one of my proudest.
When my daughter was a baby I decided to study with the Open University and it is a decision I will forever be thankful for. They have helped me so much in making this decision in the past several months and further back in my past.
I’ve struggled to decide what path best suits myself, as I move forward in life. I enjoy writing and reading as a passion that I hope to take to another level so plan to study it. Unfortunately, that is quite the contrast to what I’ve been studying for.
Therefore I have had to change my goals with my university and my degree plan to incorporate it around the business study I have done.
Not an easy choice to make but I know it is the right one, a lot of time, effort and input has been put into the decision so It has not been made halfheartedly or impulsively
I also pushed myself out of my comforts earlier in the week and went to a rather intense social engagement. This required me at times to publicly speak in front of those I did not necessarily know.
It went well actually learnt a lot and got to see things in a different light, in many a perspective.
So far I have been waking up and being active from the start, coming out of a depression is never easy but there is most definitely light at the other side. I have even given a yoga lesson on youtube a go twice this week and finally found someone I can make sense of and watch.
I look forward to the new challenges and direction I have taken my studies. Studying keeps me grounded and gives me enough where I have something of my own so roll on October. I look forward to getting out into all the colours of Autumn, always humbles for some reason.
A friend reminded me this week i manage things really well and can create order, just need to focus it differently. Its thanks to her words i decided to continue the path i have chosen with my studies and a few others aspects of my life
Change isn’t my strongest suit sometimes unless controllable and manageable, sometimes things are unpredictable but how we handle them makes all the difference.