Tuesday 11th September 2018; Esteem and confidence, looking at the brighter side of life

Source of writing www.naturalempathiser.com – feature Photo by pixabay

So what even is self-esteem or self-confidence, and how does one go about repairing this? Considering I get back up and brush myself of time and time again, I should be an expert but I’m not.

To hold something in esteem you admire or respect it, confidence, on the other hand, is having faith with utmost certainty in what you believe is able to be done. When you are referring to ones ‘self’ it is how we distinguish ourselves from other people.

Sometimes we forget how important esteem and confidence are when referring to ourselves or another.  When we lack self-confidence or self-esteem things tend to become more challengingly negative and harder to manage.

Self-esteem issues can be deeply rooted as far back as trauma in the childhood, such as prolonged separation from parent figures, neglect, discrimination, physical or sexual abuse.  Other contributors come from negative life events or a generally severe case of lack of control, amongst many others

Having low esteem and confidence in yourself can manifest itself into psychological disorders such as depression and borderline personality disorder.  These can have knock-on effects of sending oneself further down the spiral that’s lowering their self-esteem and self-confidence, in the first place

I have openly admitted spending more time in the shadier part that is me, therefore I imagine my body may portray anger at times in the way i express or behave, being a fundimental feature in my psychological health.

Why am I so Angry or aggressive? This is now a question that triggers these emotions, that were not originally felt by this individual?? I am not going to list the amount falling apart at the seams in my life, be counter-productive because time will stitch it back up, eventually.

When asked these words I have stewed over them quite a bit as they are repetitively asked by those who do know me, on some levels alongside debateable or confrontational.  Looking more closely and seeing where and what the negative impact was from being, in this frame of mind.

I am most angry at myself because I spent more time in my black hole the abyss, that I usually avoid like the plague to any extreme necessary, rather than out it. So I pulled out my trusted dictionaries and thesaurus and began cementing my understandings, for the past couple of months.

I have to continue repairing damage to my foundations, with a little help from those I hold dear, I’m beginning to see results.

I have had to find a lot of answers myself, taking the long road but its eventually paying off.  When someone refers to you as angry they are implying you have temperament issues, hold resentment or appear to be annoyed.

Anger is an extreme feeling of displeasure so maybe there is some much-hidden meaning shape and dimension to the question ‘why are you so angry’, as I have been given many a cause to be professionally and personally.

A conversation last night set me on a new path with simplistic actions that might just, make all the difference. My self-needs some more acute attention emotionally, which is a foreign concept in my adulthood.

Esteem is to have great respect or high regard for something.  You can also judge something by the esteem in the way you deem something in how you consider it.  So holding something in esteem is a judgment or opinion

It took me 25 years to reduce the level and speed in which I talk to a slower understandable, more comfortable and a less intense manner when conversing. My tone, on the other hand, I can’t seem to change, it appears to be just how I am able to express my verbal communication. Time will tell.

Having my tones, wording and pretty much the way I express myself picked apart and continuously pointed out, these past few years more acutely has understandably knocked my confidence and self-esteem.  I didn’t realise how much this was holding me in my depression, increasing my anxiety causing self-critical ways of thinking.

If you see the world or your environment as a hostile, agitated or anxiety-ridden place it can make you reluctant to express or assert yourself.  It can cause feelings of a sense you are powerless to change this continuous downward spiral, you have found yourself on

Anger, angry, angriest is feeling or showing anger which until pointed out is not the way I am aware I am expressing, and can gladly say it is not the opinion of every person I meet.

This is a major trigger now because no matter how hard I have tried I can’t change this, therefore setting myself for failure time and time again.

Unfortunately, this has become a common opinion of some that are aiding in my search for understandability, that now disables me to the point I do not trust some of those I used to hold to high esteem to help care for this patient, I do not hold confidence in some of their abilities.

Confrontational is a disagreement, anger or hostility so they are all ridiculously closely linked but so different at the same time

The only way I can logically put sense to this is when I disagree I come across aggressive or angry in the way I project my persona. I have many a thing to be angry at but I blame myself for these feelings, not others regardless if this is the impression they take or not, that’s the reality.

When someone disagrees with something they have a different opinion, can be inconsistent or make someone feel slightly unwell.  This, in turn, can be expressed as a difference in opinion causing a clash, or, to take issues with what has been said or done.

This can cause upset for whoever or whatever is involved that can be distressingly discomforting and bothersome.  Therefore it is commonly seen when there is a disagreement, there often is a conflicting quarreling squabble as the dispute takes place, mistakenly or interpreted correctly as anger.

I once asked why do we allow other people’s words to influence? It is because we let them.  Self-esteem and self-confidence is something that needs a lot of TLC on a daily basis, to keep a healthy mind.

Being trapped on this downward spiral is not hopeless, because you can break out of it as i have done time and time again, just a bit harder this time.  It is the smaller simpler things that can help break this cycle and change the way we look at ourselves

Personal hygiene and making yourself feel better can seem as self-absorbed to some, but a must for picking yourself back up if you have found yourself stuck upon this downward spiral, that does come to an end.  Trying to think more positively about yourself is a starting point.

Something that has been suggested over the years and one I still commonly read about is making two lists.  The first is where you list all your skills, the second is for your personal achievements.  I’ve never been able to complete one but I do plan on trying to achieve this.

So being clean and out the door ready, removing oneself from their PJs or comfy clothes into ones that set you up to face your day, is the way forward.  The usual but necessarily repeated healthier eating, exercise and plenty of sleep.

I’m going to do all these alongside volunteering, blogging, studying and yoga and hopefully the rest falls into place, as time passes.  Whatever helps make you feel better that does not negatively impact someone else, can make all the difference.

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naturalempathiser

I enjoy writing and believe everyone has a story. I have hit a brick wall when searching for my own answers so, I have been looking at alternatives and becoming a blogger seems a good choice. No, we can't get answers to all our questions alone but, together the possibilities are endless

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