Source of writing www.naturalempathiser – feature image personally drawn
My Personal RAAD results
I recorded my initial thoughts after taking this test written on 17th June 2018; immediate thoughts after taking the Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-revised (RAADS)
“My life seems to be resembling the shape and dimension of a triangle, with three angles continuously shifting”
This requires watching for signs and how symptomatic I am, just to be aware of what energy, me or others are generating and how that influences and impacts one another in a negative, positive or balanced way. It can become exhausting.
Since this is not the ‘norm’ I decided to take screening tests such as, well renowned autistic tests where definitions of words had to be found, because I didn’t truly understand the questions intent, purpose or meaning with the words used.
My first and major stumbling block was the difference between sympathy and empathy, which I truly believed I was naturally able to do, and there lay an answer I once never understood which is explained on Sunday 19th August 2018; Looking at heaven living through hell .
People can use the words empathy and sympathy differently, understand and express them incorrectly all the time, sometimes confusing the meaning with other words. But what does it mean when you lack the ability to feel empathy and sympathy when you were younger but have learnt it differently through time?
I knew the real meaning which had got caught up, and tangledly confused by others descriptive words over the years. I am a constant natural empathiser which comes with its pro’s and con’s, Sympathy I view as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, playing the clown and becoming a chameleon.
I want to communicate my inner thoughts and questions in a written way, relevant to my timeline. I have no idea how to write a timeline request of my life, no idea where to start given social norms and influences of society, relevant to the timescales in question.
Times change non-stop regardless if we want them to or not, that is why we have to move with the times, where we were once uneducated, become educated and where we were once unable, re-enable or become able if possible.
Ignorance is an excuse, one necessary at times (but when is the key).
I do not believe it should ever be your primary resource in life, your just disabled then, (cowardly avoidant), becoming a part of the problem or creating new ones as your actions give the solution to old ones.
I have used writing and words my whole life, if no one gives them or gives the wrong ones, (myself included) I create or find the fitting ones to fully understand, given my capabilities in relation to the matter at hand.
I have been told over and over in too many different variations of wording to reiterate so I will stick to the message they were voicing.
Too much is too bright for some not all, know your audience but isn’t that a pickle, especially when the audience doesn’t even know themselves.
Do we need to turn our colours down if we are never physically aggressive or cause physical pain to anyone or thing, only enthusiastically expressive and passionate? Should you turn it down?
If so who, when, where, why or even how should one go about doing that??? Why do other people’s view and opinions have to matter if it causes negative internal complications within one’s mindset?
Why do we live in a society portrayed in some sense like a living breathing version on big brother? No matter how much we try to say we don’t, if that was the case then why does invasions or invites into privacy, continuously influence all levels of society.
It’s amazing how many thought processes can go through the mind in just one day. I’ve always been a thinker, I go far to in depth, analysing and dissect things until I have a broader perspective and understanding, which can create its own problems.
My teens were extreme, to say the least, I cringe at a lot of things I have done and wonder what was going through my head at the time. I have always said I don’t have regrets and what I mean by that is everything I have done and been through has made me who I am today.
I’ve always felt like I don’t fit anywhere even with my family, somewhat like the black sheep. The most recent episodes were triggered but my life is so calm now and has been for a while, that’s why I think it became more noticeable.
On my own, I would have gotten over it somehow as that’s the way it’s always been, but trying to keep those I’m attached too close whilst I was not thinking in my right mind, and doctors telling me it’s part of the process of postnatal, I’m on the mend just exhausted.
This did not fit or make sense to me, therefore, it sent me spiraling down a road that was so out of control, it was honestly the worst thing I have ever been through. I will do everything I can to prevent that happening as I don’t know if I can keep surviving it.
When I become unbalanced the fight for equilibrium can take its toll on my body physically, as I become trapped mentally where times ceases to exist. The knock on effects appears predictably unpredictable.
When I look back now I can see how out of control I was then, but there was plenty of drama for me to feed off that was not my own to control, manage or fix. Another piece to add to the puzzle
www.naturalempathiser.com for more reading, understanding, and depth
- My Feministic journey, into the spectrum
- Trip down Memory Lane
- Mirror-Mirror, Show me my true reflection
- My Journey through Mental health
- The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished
- Welcome to the natural empathiser