My first blog is about understanding and sharing the feelings of one another, find out more at www.naturalempathiser.com
‘How a person interprets words depends on many factors to name but a few…. There natural, and unnatural environment, circumstances on which it is heard, the emotional meaning or message portrayed in projecting the words, all influence how we act, think or behave.
May it be tone, style, word choices, body language, personal circumstances, past experiences or current knowledge, the list can go on and on. The point I am making is words are pointless if they confuse, misguide, hurt, or destroy what they were never meant to.
If you don’t understand, give your full attention and truly listen to what’s being said, to imply or interpret the words heard in a way that is not meant, how can you understand, how can anyone help….
Sum it up, you rebel or obey against a fight that will never be eliminated, just changed from minority to majority which is, awareness versus Ignorance.
Once upon a time, I lacked self-awareness becoming stuck in concrete thinking, being overly descriptive and disabling to the point I became, an unskilled communicator. I continuously, whether consciously or not, kept choosing ignorance over awareness which was causing irritable intolerances, impulsiveness, and reactive tendencies.
I went against my natural nature repeatedly becoming a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I am always in a constant search for answers, and most importantly hope, it’s what keeps me breathing in one sense.
I am a 30-year-old mother of two, in a long-term relationship who is currently diagnosed ADHD (labels always change), and a suspected autistic female awaiting specialist help and analysis.
Unfortunately, my “disabilities” are invisible so to speak, unless I’m malfunctioning, then physically it’s crystal clear although I do not have any obvious physical distortions.
I have been on one heck of a rollercoaster journey these past few years, and it has been a traumatically invigorating eye opener.
It has been well documented through journals and first-hand experience, especially regarding what it is like being a patient under current NHS standard procedures and protocols where I have met many a diamond in the rough my action man (CPN) being one.
In my opinion things have changed but not enough since my teens, same mistakes still getting repeated or conclusions drawn. (to many words needed for my first blog, many stories for many other day’s)
This experience and not my disabilities, has nearly ended my journey repeatedly, there are lots of side effects to the uncommon/common meds coinciding with a lack of consistent, reliable or assured care, alongside negative intentional and unintentional influences.
Unfortunately, ADHD and ASD specialists are almost, if not rarer to find than my personality behavioural traits, on the NHS. Then add the fact I’m female and an adult you end up with a major conflicting and contradicting problem.
Sometimes help can be disabling and systems soul destroying without intention, not always the case when you don’t give up or stumble upon diamonds in the rough, that stop you from wanting to. It can be hard to accept for myself and my family when our cries for help are answered with….
‘We can’t help you at the moment’
I am someone that doesn’t fit within this society, or so it would appear if every human being thought rigidly or believed word for word everything they were told.
The harder I try, the more confusing and tangled it can become at times until I unravel and solve the puzzle. I love problem-solving if it’s within my interests or capabilities, my niche as those closest says, seems to be people problem-solving.
My goal and new-found purpose in life, (the reason a technological goof is becoming a blogger), simply put, is to spread awareness. I can excel at following the breadcrumb trail and my focus is always on finding answers, just depends what I am focusing on.
I Particularly enjoy theme writing and reflective writing, stuff that requires me to gather lots of information, sift through it finding the useful and concluding understandable answers, given the information available.
I like delving into the unknown, manipulating and questioning conventional ways of thinking that are disabling or problematic, closure and understanding keep me content.
My confidence and self-esteem has taken some bashing over the years but if I don’t speak out and tell my story, how can it change? How do I, or anybody else in similar or completely different circumstances, gain access to the help we need, that is effectively useful in a society so tangled.
If I open up, maybe, just maybe, so might someone else and together who knows, but alone that can become pointless.
My hope and ideology is by doing this, more people will be able to relate or at the very least truly feel free to reflect and express their views, opinions, understandings and misunderstandings, just scratching below the surface begging to be brought to life, and understood in the way that matters to the individual.
That’s the fantasy I suppose but it is one that I do hope to achieve in reality to whatever extent possible, suppose becoming a blogger is the first stepping stone to delve into something unpredictable with the potential to be something beautiful.
Simply put, just a deeper understanding of individuals and everything in between to some extent or another. To achieve this, firstly I have to put my words out there for others to read and respond to, which leads me to an epic moment in my life.
I have put the final full stop, at the end of the final chapter paragraph, and closed the cover, placing it on the shelf, clearing space to begin a new book, a blogger it appears!! The words of Lilly falls Beautifully unfinished.
I have been a closed book for so long when it was finally opened it was like opening Pandora’s box.
I had to learn a lot just to survive, now I’m in control of my book, writing my perspective through my own words and findings, my story is open for all to see, in the widest possible sense that I am capable of, Vulnerable versus invulnerable thanks to myself and those who never gave up.
Naturally, I question everything to gain tolerance and understanding, by thinking dynamically in all aware perspectives, in an analytical and diplomatic way.
Where I am struggling is finding the balance between being more openly approachable versus being awkwardly reserved. This seems to be a blind spot where I intend to shed some light.
I have spent so much time analysing and trying to learn to communicate to all that, I didn’t even realise I already am a skilled communicator. My niche is written communication, literacy, relevant words for basic survival and existence with reflection.
Words are used to create understanding and shape, so I want to express what I am incapable of at times, expressing verbally. I will communicate in written language my way, hopefully untangling confusion and broadening understanding in my own unique way.
A place I can truly be me with very limited restrictions, to express one’s self in a creative freedom of speech kind of way. (hopefully without standing on any, or too many toes.) Inviting others to share their words or find use out of mine…….. awareness versus ignorance in every sense, not just stigma
Source of writing – www.naturalempathiser.com
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